Dating Tips | Relationship Advice | Love Strategies


con•nec•tion: 1. the emotional state of being linked, united, or joined. 2. when two people share high levels of true chemistry rather than just temporary infatuation or attraction. 3. in the context of dating, the measure of how well you’re doing as a couple in terms of bonding.

An honest male perspective: You need multiple types of attachments to a boyfriend in order to secure love for the long term. If you have an unshakable physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual love connection, you’ll be able to handle the inevitable tests of adversity and adjustments to change that will come your way over time.

“Jason is an idiot. There will be no second date!” proclaimed an attractive young woman on an episode of the popular syndicated dating show, Blind Date.

For those who aren’t familiar with this TV program, it’s about the adventure of dating someone for the first time. In the segments, a newly acquainted couple travels around town doing fun things while the viewer gets to watch this often comical event unfold. An entertaining feature used in Blind Date is the pop-up wisecrack: these comments, which appear written on the screen in the “dialog bubble” style of comic strips, candidly suggest what the two people might be thinking about each other.

In most cases, the dates that capture our interest are the ones that don’t go very well. It’s especially insightful when one person is happy with the date, but their counterpart reveals that he or she doesn’t feel anywhere near the same.

As you’re first getting to know someone, it’s important to accurately gauge how well you click with each other. That way, you’ll know whether it’s right to proceed any further in your romantic relationship.


Men typically measure their interest in a woman heavily by their degree of sexual desire. When a guy’s fervor isn’t very high or sustainable, then he won’t pursue a woman aggressively. What is most confusing for a woman is when a man appears to be really into her at first, keeps her strung along by saying the right things, and then just fades away.

While this seems dishonest and unkind, it’s far easier for many men to completely withdraw from a situation than to tell a woman to her face that he doesn’t like her or has lost his sense of attraction.

One woman sent the following story to me which illustrates this common and confusing scenario:

“I met this great guy at a conference about a year ago and clicked with him immediately. However, things didn’t progress any further because we live in different cities. We stayed in contact calling each other every couple of months. Then he visited my city (Los Angeles) for business, and we were able to get together a couple times. He and I talked for hours on both occasions and had a great time. This man made it quite clear that he found me attractive. I figured that he really liked me and wanted to make a go of things. I visited him in his town (Chicago) a short while after those two get-togethers, and we had sex for the first time. It was amazing! He even wanted to cuddle and talk for hours afterwards. I visited him a few more times after that and things seemed to be going okay. Then I told him that I’d like to get a job transfer to Chicago and find an apartment so we could really be together. Now he suddenly seems like he’s not that interested in me anymore. He’s stopped calling me and hasn’t returned my calls for a long, long time. What’s going on with this guy? Are we really over and out?”

As in the example above, a lot of women are hopeful that a man who has cooled to them will change and that the romance will get better again. While being patient and having faith are strong personal qualities, sometimes you have to cut your losses. If a man is showing you clear signs that he is not into you anymore, then stop wasting your time and start over with a new guy.


The first connection that you make in a love relationship occurs unconsciously. You communicate it to each other through your voices, words, and body language. The rule here is that the more you demonstrate that you are similar to another person in the way you communicate, the more they tend to like you.

There is a natural rhythm that occurs on many levels when two people are in sync, especially when it comes to love. Common signs are a strong tendency to talk at the same pace and volume, to touch each other in equal amounts, to maintain the same amount of eye contact, to move at the same speed, and to have similar matches in largely unnoticed features like muscular tension, facial expressions, body posture, and breathing patterns.

If you find a man who is a mismatch for you in a lot of these usually unconscious areas, then you won’t be clicking with each other for very long. This is true despite whatever honorable intentions you both may have.


Here are some key points to help you get a more accurate read on the current condition of your love relationship:

How extensive is your sensory appeal? A strong connection here is when both parties respond favorably to each other by the way they look, sound, feel, taste, and smell. Examples of this may include when a man: (1) especially enjoys a woman’s natural scent, (2) likes the colors she wears, (3) likes to touch her skin and hair, (4) looks at her a lot from a distance, (5) replays the woman’s recorded messages just to hear the sound of her voice, and (6) is delighted by a simple kiss on the cheek --- just to name a few. If a strong sensory connection isn’t felt by both of you, then romance will only come from forced, conscious efforts. That type of relationship will invariably fade in time or prove to be emotionally unfulfilling.

Measure both the physical and emotional intensity. In addition to his physical attraction to a woman, a man will also measure his interest for her by the emotional intensity she stirs. How strongly he feels may rise and fall at various times. For some men, the emotional highs are far more important than the lows. Like an addictive drug, some men can be drawn to a woman who rocks his world despite any negative side-effects of that relationship.

Chemistry vs. Infatuation

Infatuation is often mistaken for romantic chemistry. That’s because the two appear the same in the early stages. But infatuation is a foolish attachment that is fueled by passion, dreams, and the novelty of a romance. On the other hand, romantic chemistry is a deep feeling of connection that stays strong for a long time. When you’re trying to gauge the strength of your love connection, be sure to put romantic chemistry at the top of your list. If it’s high in the beginning, it usually stays that way unless someone destroys it through emotional immaturity. But if it’s low in the start of a relationship, it rarely gets much better. Here’s a list of clues which would indicate that his feelings of love for you have real staying power.

Are you the mental equivalent? Aside from the physical and emotional aspects of attraction, there also should be a strong mental connection. When people are of the same mind and can think alike on a variety of key issues, then there is enough mental rapport to expand on as time goes on. Without strong mental compatibility, your relationship is doomed to being a part-time activity. Eventually, each person will naturally go off to do their own thing and spend time with people who are more like-minded.

Is the silence golden? A characteristic of a solid spiritual connection is the ability to “just be together” sharing quiet times. It’s during these experiences that you appreciate the beauty of the moment with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the presence of someone you cherish. Choosing to sit together silently by a fireplace to enjoy the beauty and coziness of observing burning wood together is a good indication of strong love. On the other hand, an excessive need to watch television and tune each other out is not a good sign.

Observe the conversational flow. How do you recognize an ideal flow in communication? It’s when the conversations have a natural rhythm, and each participant is joyfully involved in both roles as talker and listener. Too many short conversations, dead silence from the other side, or overuse of email and text messages may disguise a more serious flaw in the love connection.

Appreciate the natural laughter. When two people are in sync, there’s a natural tendency to find more humor and laughter in everyday things. This isn’t about being a comedian or falling for a guy with a salesman’s skill of making you laugh. It’s more about the closeness you feel with a certain man. The feelings that you share for each other cause you both to express yourselves joyfully in humor, laughter, and fun. An absence of joy is a sure indicator of a poor connection in the relationship.

How well do you bring out the best in each other? When two people seem to be made for each other, there is a natural tendency for them to bring out the strengths in their partners. Whenever a woman chooses to associate closely with a love interest, she should ask herself the following questions: (1) What has he got me thinking and believing? (2) What has he got me doing? and (3) What has he got me becoming? If you absolutely know that your influence on each other is not all right, then you’re not in a healthy relationship.

Does time distortion occur often? When two people are fully connected, there are moments when time seems to zoom by quickly. These can be wonderful experiences where nothing seems to matter except the enjoyment of each other’s company. As the old adage so wisely points out, time really does fly when you’re having fun. Or another way of looking at this indicator is that “Time flies when you’re in love.”

Has he spoken the magic words? When a man becomes completely convinced of his love for a woman, it is only natural for him to say, “I love you.” Being fully connected to her opens up his heart and allows him to express his feeling for the woman fully. An absence of these magical words indicates that the man is either consumed by the fear of the consequences of saying it or by the doubt he has because of his lack of deep feelings or lower than acceptable levels of romantic chemistry.

As you get better at gauging the quality of your love connections, you’ll save yourself time, effort, and emotion by avoiding dead-end romances. In addition, you’ll focus on the ones that are more likely to work.


Take a good look at a past or present relationship of yours. How would you evaluate this relationship on each key point described in the preceding section? Are there clear ways that you connect or connected well? Is (was) the connection only average at best in other ways?

At some point, people skills and romantic intentions can reach a limit in terms of how much they help a love take root and grow. If measurable results are not achieved in a reasonable time, two mature adults may have to reassess their relationship and determine a new direction. Both the woman and the man can only find true happiness, passion, and fulfillment when they are connected well in several key areas. Being in a relationship for security, comfort, or to avoid being alone will never bring you the life of your dreams.


Dating sucks when don’t have the foggiest idea where you stand in your relationship. But dating rocks when things are clicking on all cylinders and your love for each other gets better with each passing day, week, month, and year.